I like to say I am in perfect health — because I am.
And still… I grieve.
I once had someone say I was being fake.
That I was spiritually bypassing…
pretending to be healed.
This came after an intimate, private conversation.
I opened up and spoke about the depths of the pain my Mother went through in her adult life — the loss of her father, drug addiction, physical and sexual abuse… her death. Pain I witnessed as a child.
My inner child held a deep abandonment wound, and I felt immense grief knowing my Mother was suffering up until the point of her death.
Being a motherless daughter… this was my deepest pain point. A burden I carried for most of my life.
I shared this with her in what I believed was a safe container. In a vulnerable state, opening up and feeling into this core wound, I wept for my Mother and my inner child.
Later, this vulnerability was turned back on me and thrown in my face:
“You act like you’re happy all the time — like you’re all love and light in public… but really you’re just on the verge of a breakdown.”
And beneath that… the belief:
If you still feel grief, you must not be healed.
I don’t agree.
To me, this is what it means to be a healthy, mature human —
to allow emotions to move through us when they naturally arise.
To feel deeply…
without being consumed.
People have this idea that if you feel these so-called “negative emotions,” then you’re not healed.
Not every emotion is a sign of brokenness.
Some are signs of aliveness.
Healthy Grief
Grief is one of the deepest expressions of love — two sides of the same coin.
To mourn loss is to hold dearly something you long to keep close.
When grief arises, it is an invitation to honor that love.
Grief is proof that love is immortal — that it transcends lifetimes.
Of course, there are many expressions of grief.
Grief for the loss of a loved one.
Grief for the parts of ourselves we have lost.
Grief for the sorrows of the world.
Grief for what we expected but did not receive.
Grief carried ancestrally, through the lineages we come from.
But the grief I know most intimately… is the loss of a loved one.
I would rather feel grief than forget my Mother… or all that she lived through.
Healthy Shame
There is a form of shame that brings us back into integrity.
A moment of awareness: that wasn’t aligned.
One time, I shared a photo of a friend in ceremony — a vulnerable, intimate moment.
In a moment of excitement to share the fullness of the event, I didn’t ask for permission.
When he told me he felt his trust was betrayed, I immediately removed it.
I felt the weight of that — deep remorse. For a couple of days.
And then… I released it.
Now, I move differently.
More mindful. More respectful.
That experience deepened my integrity.
Healthy Anger
The news gives us endless reasons to feel angry — injustice, inequality, suffering.
And at times, that anger is valid and righteous. Anger can be clarifying.
It helps us create boundaries… and protect what is sacred.
But we are not meant to live there.
At some point, we are called to process it…
and redirect that energy into creating meaningful change.
To stop dwelling on what is wrong —
and begin building what is right.
Unhealthy is a state of dis-ease — being out of alignment with what is true.
Unhealed is when emotions are suppressed, avoided, unprocessed.
When we pretend they don’t exist and try to move on without feeling them.
The body is a miraculously intelligent, self-healing system.
It is designed to return to perfect health and optimal function when supported.
We are not here to force healing — that happens naturally.
We are here to stop resisting what God already made perfect.
I spent the past decade devoted to what I once called my “healing journey.”
Years of feeling.
Processing.
Honoring my grief.
Accepting what has been.
Transmuting trauma into wisdom.
And now…
I can hold grief and gratitude in the same breath.
Appreciating all the ways it has all shaped me, and deepened my soul.
I’ve also cared deeply for my body.
Nourishing it with clean food and water.
Allowing myself rest.
Giving myself grace when I make mistakes.
And most importantly… reclaiming my joy.
And today, I no longer claim to be on a “healing journey.”
Now… I am simply, living.
In my day-to-day life, I am happy.
I am grateful.
I am vibrant, full of life force energy, alive with vitality.
I love myself.
I love my life.
When I look in the mirror, I feel pure joy —in awe of the beauty and goodness of God.
And when grief shows up unexpectedly…
I make space for her.
I sit with her.
I hold ceremony for her.
Because truthfully — I wish I had more time with my Mother when she was alive.
And now… this grief is the connection I hold with her.
A living reminder that our love is eternal.
Sometimes, weeks pass without thinking of her.
And then grief returns, like a gentle whisper:
“Hey… I’m still here with you.”
And I love that.
Even now, as I write this, I feel tears welling in my eyes — and it feels gorgeous. Absolutely glorious.
This is healthy to me.
If you’ve ever believed that feeling your emotions means you’re not healed…
That is not the truth.
Having the capacity to feel doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It doesn’t mean you’re unhealed.
It means you’re human.
With love,
Kallie
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